I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
