I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
