Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
nutella sex= disaster
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
