I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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