I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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