Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
