he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
