Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
