But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
