So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize