my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
