Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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