Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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