his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
