just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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