my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
