My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
