Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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