my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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