my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
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