what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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