the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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