I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
