dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
