i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
