1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
