I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Enjoy the penises
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize