I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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