just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
