So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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