what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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