oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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