i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The air was thick with penises
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
