dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
