I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize