you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
