gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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