I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
