I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
