Already got asked if we're dating
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
