Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
