his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
