If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
