24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
