I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize