opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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