3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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