Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
