he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
