I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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