youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize