So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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