you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
