Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
