I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize