I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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