the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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