Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
