fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
