Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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