I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
