The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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