everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
