Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
