wakey wakey hands off snakey
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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