i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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