went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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