You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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