She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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