just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
