I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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