We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
that's an acceptable place to lick
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
