if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
