Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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