Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
