I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
