She said her name was "party"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
