All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
