i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
