bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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