I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
