Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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