benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
