The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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