where does the pee come out of this thing
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
