I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
