I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize