just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
