So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
