No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
