Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
