shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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