I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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