broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
