I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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