Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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