Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
