I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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