I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
this boner is exhausting
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
