Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
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