Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
