Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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