There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
