if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
