guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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