Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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